Hold on thar… Pol*
May 7, 2013 § 2 Comments
Reality has gone and done it – kicked in.
I sense a blog transitioning in my future. Polly is powering down on this talking about herself business. It turns out that: 1) law school teaches her more than just legal things; 2) her time does fly when her hands are full; 3) only Polly thinks mixed metaphors like #2 are swell; 3) “it’s” not actually about me; and 4) of late – the thing I like most about this blog are the husband’s piccies (I have no ego, here, folks – feel free to secretly agree).
So, let’s wean ourselves out of lengthy Polly diatribes while retaining some Polly-self-absorbtion for a scrolling-oriented minute: take this, pictures that I have been harboring for eons……
avopollylooza
Polly had a fear of eating fat believing it meant BEING fat but it ain’t necessarily so (she did some research – involving actual medical journal publications and everything**). Consequently, Pol got past her stubborn claims of “it tastes squashy and stuff,” admitted it was a fear-of-being-fat issue, and started inhaling those salt-covered wonder-kins with abandon.
shefoldifys
You too could have a Polly on your desk. makeapollyfoldified The lovely (and from Poland) Foldify team gave me permission to post this do-it-yourself cut out. And who wouldn’t want one of those, eh? It is crafty. (most people, Polly. Your Mum and Dad might; probably not your bro, though).
pollypunzel
Polly’s hair grows, apparently.
kidneypunch
Pol’s favourite at-home DVD cardio thing involves practicing kidney punches.
A necessary skill?
scoopingunderconstruction
Polly slowly realizes that talking about herself is not everything – her blog begins to transform. Slowly. Rarely. Under construction, let’s call it.
Meanwhile, Polly plans on doing more of this:
meditationloos
*I shall credit the writer of a super and recent movie for this one – Silver Linings Playbook. I liked it a lot; hubby and I have taken to talking about Raisin Bran ever since (even if we don’t actually eat the stuff).
**Fancy spending some of your own time noodling around some Government-funded medical research? How’s about starting here: US National Library of Medicine, National Institutes of Health
Back (not that) soon, probably. I welcome comments as always: shescoops-at-gmail-dot-com…
I ran out of reasons not to; so I did.
September 24, 2012 § 1 Comment
It tried meditation.
meditationloos
Since the kickboxing/door-smashing incident, I have been doing a lot of self-physical-reflection and finally decided to give meditation a whirl. Armed with some interweb-research, a podcast and something comforting (because my meditation guide-voice told me to), I and went to my ‘safe place.’ It was remarkable. I will be repeating.
Why now? It felt like the right time for me. No doubt my recent self-side-lining on the exercise front has been instrumental: not only do I have time to do it, I have time to choose to do it. For those of you out there who are (let’s call ourselves) ‘keen’ exercisers, you will understand what it might mean physically and mentally to stop ALL FORMS of higher-impact exercise for more than a week. For me, it’s been almost a month. I have done some walking but gently, gently. For me, that is ENORMOUS news. Truth is, from age 22-32 I did way too much exercise (and spent way too much time thinking about needing to do way too much exercise). Since Law School, I have powered down somewhat due to time constraints and my back/hip issues. In the last month, I finally decided to turn off the ‘but I have to exercise A LOT at ridiculous intensity in order to stay sane/healthy’ mindset. It feels awesome. Freeing.
My body struggles with stress. Hmmm, I wonder if part of my PCOS-hormone-drama relates to the combo of: 1) sensitive Polly with: 2) self-imposed stress of ‘got to do that exercise;’ and 3) the constant physical stresses of actually DOING the exercise. Don’t know for sure but an understanding of the stress-hormone, Cortisol, is developing.
Hence a current new direction. Heretofore, I am including daily moments of deep breathing with sporadic meditation-podcast-listening. AND, I am taking it physically-easier. Since the carbohydrate realization, I think it is time to add in some mental/emotional/physical health slices (to the PCOS treatment pie).
I like to try things that make me feel better. I feel better. And, yes. So does Booie.
Booie?
(he’s yellow)
Ooooh. Snap….
September 17, 2012 § Leave a Comment
Picture the scene…. Two weeks ago, Polly was in front of her tele, doing her kick-boxing morning DVD activity when a lovely snapping sound occurred. Oh, what could it be, she thought? Was that really her leg making that noise? Gee, I hope not. Couldn’t feel anything. No pain. Nothing. But there was definitely a snapping and it definitely occurred during a high-kicking moment of my exercise routine.
snapscoop
So I stopped kick-boxing (seems obvious but it is surprisingly tough to stop when you are on a roll), cooled down with gentle stretching (good work, Polly), reached for my ice pack (for the leg) and pooter (for some interweb research). This is what I found: http://www.bboyscience.com/strains/ and I have been following the steps-in-the-recovery-process ever since.
Yup. No exercising for Polly while injured; something she learned the hard way. Though the old (not backed up by actual science) fears of putting on weight and losing my hard-fought fitness crop up, I don’t judge myself for either the fears or the wanting to exercise anyway. I just don’t do it. These days, I have a strategy to prevent myself exercising and actually rest. It’s a pep-talk (an ongoing one).
Firstly, I remind myself why exercising with injuries is not smart: 1) the injury will take EONS (not just weeks) to heal, assuming it heals at all; 2) knowing I am taking a risk, I get anxious and annoying; and 3) it does a body good to rest once in a while.
Secondly, I line up all the lovely things I can do instead of exercising to get myself inspired: 1) SLEEP: I have been sleeping in. Woo!! That’s awesome; 2)GET SCHOOL WORK DONE: I have been getting my Saturday-school work done earlier and have actually gotten myself a few weeks ahead on my reading (so I feel smug); and 3) MENTAL HEALTH SURVEY: I have been taking some time to care for my mental self and upon reflection on my non-over-exercising/non-high-anxiety state of being, there have been revelations.
So how bad was the injury? Don’t really know. Huh? Well, the day after The Snapping, I smashed (not just stubbed) my tiny toe on a door and rather humorously (I chose to see it this way), the pain of The Toe was so bad that I could not tell how bad The Snapping injury was. I thought I broke me toe. It is only small.
So, it’s been two weeks since The Snapping and two weeks (minus one day) since The Toe. I am into the dynamic stretching and walking segment of The Snapping’s recovery; I am in the ‘it ain’t bruised anymore but boy can I still feel that toe-situation when I put my shoes on’ segment of The Toe.
As for the mental health revelations… post forthcoming…. (yes, I say that a lot but I actually already have a lovely picture-from-hubby ready to go and it’s so cute that I would jump up and down with excitement to post it – were it not for the above).
First Year Law School Nuggets
August 26, 2012 § 1 Comment
There are TEN of them…. be warned…
Even if you aren’t going to Law School (or planning to), you are getting ‘em anyway. For those anti-scrollers among you (I know who you are…), here is a graphic rendition from my resident artist-husband to appreciate instead (the rest of you, appreciate-then-scroll…)…..
shelidlocks
1. I was overwhelmed for most of the First Semester/Second Semester…
I’m now a second year and I ain’t gonna lie, the overwhelm always feels like it’s hovering over my shoulder (well, just behind it, I am striving forward partly to keep ahead of that puppy). But that’s OK. I try the internal-dialogue/pep-talk route when I feel sorry for myself: Polly, you are a law student (that’s neat), you have some life experience to draw from (neat), you are obviously a busy one but there is life outside those classroom walls that are joyful. Just do what you can, keep your chin up, etc.. I am super awesome, I am super awesome, I am tired and overwhelmed but that’s OK for I am super awesome.
2. I bought used books and don’t regret it
I am a prefer-the-tangible book nerd. There were online versions and I did ‘subscribe’ to two but they were annoying (the first one, I gave up early and stuck to the tangible version; the second one I recently bought solely because it was cheaper and I am already annoyed). Used books are neat because I like to make notes and stuff. I like a tangible object to hold in my paws that involves literal (not virtual) page turning. From a sustainability viewpoint, I feel smug, and it is quite amusing at times to see the personal notes written by previous owners. I also just discovered an entire outline at the back of my evidence text in beautiful, legible script. Thank you dear ‘before Polly owned it owner.’ Whoever you are, you are super awesome.
3. Case briefs
About half-way through the first year, I started amusing myself by drawing tiny cartoon pictures in my textbooks to represent the case (to help me remember when I was called on in class). It served multiple purposes: 1) it kept me going in class by cheering me up if my chips were down; 2) it kept me going generally (I highly recommend taking as much of the self -imposed seriousness surrounding work/school-work away from yourself when you can – for me, making something fun/funny is a persistent goal – even if I am only cheering-up myself); 3) it worked, I can recall the infamous Palsgraf v. L.I.R.R. Torts case thanks to the graphic of the tiny woman being squashed by a scale with the exploding firework package in the foreground (law-world in-joke)…
4. Law School Exams (a.k.a: I was stressed out about impending exams before I started law school, then I got the flu)
Exams… Grr… Before law school and 100% based on experience, I had a persistent and negative thought going: good Polly student + timed exam = not so good Polly outcome. I was completely stressed out about the looming December mid-terms since the day I was accepted into law school. I am not kidding. Leading up to them, I knew I had to spend every available second revising/studying. Then I got sick. I lost a precious DAYS of revision time in my already compacted schedule. Woe was me. Turns out, getting the flu was awesome!!! (not that HAVING the flu was awesome – I recall crawling around my apartment with a migraine-thing and always within reaching distance of my duvet, pillow and cuddly toy). As a direct result, Polly had an epiphany and its consequences have stuck. So I hadn’t revised enough, what was I gonna do, eh? Cry? (yes) but seriously, I took it on board that one can only ever do what one is capable of in the moment. I am going with ‘good enough’ rather than ‘unmitigated brilliance’ because it is realistic and stress-relieving. I can pile the pressure on myself like nobody’s business (my expectations, other people’s expectations). But I no longer want to consciously do that. So I didn’t. I won’t. And I passed my first year (= good enough for me…).
5. Be Kind to Yourself
Give yourself a break. Do it. It’s worth it. Take a day off everything but fun stuff. I highly recommend it. It could well pay dividends. Free the brain, give it time to digest all the law info being crammed in there; give it time to see the non-law-school world for a spell.
6. The problem of taking things personally in a classroom
I have a history of being ‘thin-skinned’ and fall in the ‘likely to take something personally’ column. Law School is helping me to realize the sillyness of this enterprise. Who has time to dwell and turn inward the reasons for the actions of others? I shall trust that I am willing to take full responsibility for my actions (or inactions) and will take active steps to remedy stuff that causes an unintended effect on someone else. Compassion, empathy, kindness for others and self-respect. I am aiming for these lofty goals. My choices, my actions, my thoughts are largely about me; thus I shall assume that other people’s questionable-to-Polly behaviours are more about them.
7. I was overwhelmed but committed to persevering
The mantra at my Law School for the first three weeks went something like this: “I am tired, I am frustrated and overwhelmed but I don’t care” – I think I may have added a few adverbs to that mantra but it certainly helps to say it out loud. Yes, I am still saying it out loud. Three weeks only? On a myriad levels, Law School is overwhelming. Full Stop. Period.
8. I question my sanity (and enrollment in law school) on a constant basis
Still do. The first week of Year Two was grueling. I have to put in a full days work and THEN DRIVE IN RUSH-HOUR for OVER AN HOUR (mainly because it’s rush-hour) to law school and then stand (I have a standing desk) in class for 3+ hours. It’s physically and mentally tough. But it is now Sunday, I have finished my reading for Week THREE and I feel better. This law school business is doable. Right this minute I am sure that I am in this for the long-haul (that’s good enough for me). Let’s do this. Grrr…
9. I aim to pay attention in the moment
Realizing that I have NO SPARE TIME in my life, I consciously do the work in the moment. I do all the reading in advance. I try to stay focused while reading. I stay focused and actively engaged in class. I don’t have the luxury of spare time to revise, reflect and engage outside of my self-imposed law-school-time-allotment. If I don’t do the work when it is in front of me – when am I going to do it? I have one eye on that Bar Exam (sometime in 2015, prolly) and I won’t have any more free time between then and now (scary though that sounds). So I do the work. I am prepared for class. I try to enjoy class and the readings. So far, that has paid dividends. It definitely helped me with the exam process and it is giving me confidence that I am in the right place and capable of being a functioning lawyer and human being at the same time.
10. I am still enrolled in Law School and still committed to getting the JD and passing that Bar Exam before I turn 38
A note on how I am handling the looming stress of the Bar Exam: if I had a penny for every time I tried to express my fear about that puppy to only be told, “[o]h, Polly, of course you will pass the first time,” I would have one of my famous penny-handfuls. I am always quick to reply that, “[y]es, in theory, I have the ability to pass the bar exam the first time but it AIN’T A FOREGONE CONCLUSION! Not only do I have to spend the next 3ish years in school, when Bar Exam day arrives – I still have to actually sit the thing and pull out decent pass-worthy answers. I am all about making life easy on myself. Being kind to myself. I do want to pass first time but it won’t be the end of my law dreams if I don’t (plus, I am mentally giving myself a nice cushion since, again in theory, I have the opportunity to sit at least 3 bar exams before I turn 38…).
Phew. Tired of reading? I am. I think I will be crazy and do something like go to the movies with my husband during the academic year. Yay! (and awww)
Polly Carbs’ (Over-Simplified)*
May 11, 2012 § 1 Comment
The story of Polly’s Sensitive Insulin and Blood Sugar/Glucose (a.k.a. Insulin Resistance). It will be a rather interpretive science-behind-the-scenes of carbohydrate consumption.
PART ONE: Healthy Metabolism Person (HMP):
- An HMP eats a single serving of oatmeal with healthy accoutrements: nuts, ‘nana, etc.;
- Their digestion works to break the various foodstuffs into Carbohydrates, Healthy Fats and Protein (nicely balanced in the above meal);
- When the carbohydrate breaks down, glucose is produced and enters the bloodstream;
- The Pancreas releases Insulin which helps the glucose enter the cells to be burned as fuel and give the HMP energy to do things.
Now for…
PART TWO: PCOS Polly + Lonely Carbohydrates (in large quantity) + Insulin Resistance:
- Polly eats an enormous portion of oatmeal without accoutrements (200g+ carbohydrates);
- Her digestion works to break down the mainly-carbohydrate foodstuff. Meaning NO Healthy Fats,and not much Protein;
- When the carbohydrate breaks down, glucose is produced and enters the bloodstream (same);
- Polly’s Pancreas releases Insulin to go ‘friend’ Blood Glucose and usher it into my cells (same reason – to fuel Polly);
- Things begin to go hay-wire….
- Insulin is overwhelmed and becomes too sensitive to boldly go up to the Blood Glucose and ‘friend’ it;
- So it doesn’t. Instead it hangs out in the blood stream too;
- Trying to Be Helpful Pancreas releases yet more Insulin (bc the Blood Glucose is still in my blood-stream);
- Polly now has a busy blood stream: we now have too much Overly-Sensitive Insulin and too much Blood Glucose;
- Repeat steps 6-9;
- Eventually, Blood Glucose gets bored of waiting for Overly-Sensitive Insulin and heads for Pol’s fat stores where it turns into glycogen and hangs out;
- Repeat every day for an extended period of time;
- Polly expands (not upwards) and her PCOS symptoms go crazy…
Hmmm….
poor-insulin-just-look-at-blood-glucose
I feel like a big carb-insulin-blood-sugar lightbulb has gone on. Am I slow to this lightbulb party? Maybe but I haven’t eaten a big bowl of oatmeal since. Nor have I eaten multiple over-sized helpings of anything with a high net carbohydrate gram-age (net = carb grams minus fibre grams). It somehow doesn’t make sense. Never say never – but if/when I do, at least I know what I am in for. So…
Polly’s Day-to-Day Tactics (to encourage a healthier metabolism):
- No Lonely Carbs ever: eat carb-y foods with Healthy Fats and Protein
- Healthy Fats: tsp of coconut oil in the morning; tsp of fish oil too; and nuts, lots of them: cashews, almonds and my #1: Natural Almond Butter. Nuts are super protein/healthy fat power nuggets.
- Protein at every meal (nuts/chicken/turkey/tofu/yog/beans)
- Move sporadically throughout the week (cardio, just walking, some weights, some jogging)
How is that working out for you then, Polly? Well. I’m not going to sugar-coat it people (haha pun); it’s tough to change. Really tough. Not just mentally but physically.
Week One went like this: Ug. Grrrr. Constant Headache. Constant ‘why can’t I have another bowl of oatmeal. That’s poopy. I like oatmeal. I want it. I want it.’ Internally I was stamping my feet with my hands on my hips. I was annoyed. I was irritated. I was also coming off medication and suffering estrogen withdrawals. All of that is to say, NOT a highpoint in Polly land.
Week Two: well the first few days were like Week One. But I was expecting it to be unpleasant. I had a plan. And I succeeded (at least until the end of week 6..). But you know what peeps of shescoops land? Something happened around day 10… …I started to feel better. Strange. That’s neat.
It’s now been over 6 weeks and I am still going strong (and getting physically stronger). I am also feeling healthier (certainly in comparison to the pre- ‘diagnosis day’ times). Living this way is my routine now (I like routines) and it feels straight-forward, doable. Long Term? I’m aiming for something like that – I have my follow-up Doc appt in mid-June – let’s see what the blood work looks like. In the meantime, let’s go for a day at a time. Balance in all things, eh?
Disclaimers: Polly is not a registered dietary/nutritionist/medic etc. This stuff is complex. I know it. If I am advocating anything it is simply this: get information (doctor, interweb, books), listen to it, figure out what resonates/works, find your personal set of health tactics, repeat, adapt, repeat, adapt, repe…
I believe health is personal. I want to find my personal health.
*Could someone confirm if the short version of “carbohydrates” needs an apostrophe. Should it have been “carb’s” in the title? I am bovvered by not knowing that.
Erm. Yup. Eek. Wow. It’s been SIX WEEKS….
May 3, 2012 § 2 Comments
Cor Blimey.
It’s been a whopping SIX WEEKS since the P.C.O.S diagnosis (and my last blog post….). I am genuinely shocked. Tempus fugits and all that.
timescoops
In that time, the following has been going on…
HEALTHWISE:
- A revolution of dietary undertakings (with rather neat results)
- I have finally ‘got’ what really happens to my poor internal systems when I eat too much of certain goodies such as Oatmeal; Bread; Hot Cereals – yes – things that are by-and-large ‘carbohydrates.’
- So…
- I have gone ‘low-carb’ on my over-insulin producing pancreas’ a##.
- …..
- Thanks to the ‘trusty’ interweb, I have learned that being a “low carb-er” is taboo/controversial. Who knew? (lots of people).
- Regardless, part of low-carb theory makes sense to me right now. So…
- I have scaled back on bowls 2-5 of my daily oatmeal/wheat farina/oat bran consumption (I will always love you but now that I know about what you are doing to me – I don’t love you quite as irreverently)
- Also scaled back on the bread (walnut bread from the farmer’s market, I loved you; thank you for our time together but you must go now)
- Also too – I have remembered to take my fish oil teaspoon every morning (almost). Vitamin D anyone?
- I have a new-found and surprising love of organic coconut oil (what a wonder, that stuff is)
- I have ‘friended’ natural almond butter (the grind-yourself-at-the-store-in-a-recycled-tub variety)
- I now feel like shouting from the rooftops to my metabolically-challenged sisters/brethren – “it ain’t just about the ‘sugar’ content on that nutrition label – check out that carb grammage, people!” (since it’s basically secret-sugar in a fancy multi-syllabled coating and it ain’t helping your insulin resistance). It’s amazing what a bit of knowledge will do.
- I have a blog post pending entitled: Irony it ain’t: “Healthy” Fats
- And another on my new exercise regimen (imaginatively titled: Michelle Dozois: my Hero of bounce-oriented DVD-ness)
- And finally, (the main part, at least for me…) I feel better. MUCH better.
LAW SCHOOL:
- Erm…. last Thursday was my final First Year Law School exam….
- That means (aside from a 10-week condensed easier-on-the-brain summer schedule and assuming I didn’t screw up the exams – which is not a given by any means) I am done with the FIRST YEAR OF LAW SCHOOL
- I owe so many blog posts to that puppy. wow. yes. much to say. much to catch up on…
- I bought the lawscoops.com domain name with that in mind (yes. correct. there’s nothing there right now….)
I am busting to get more blog posts out into the ether. I have a new style in mind too (well, old verbose style but with an option for those anti-scrollers out there – you know who you are – “we like your style, Polly but come on, enough already with the context.” Or, “we kinda-like your style, Polly but tbh it’s your hubby’s piccies we are in this for”). I know. No worries. That’s cool. We all do what we do, right?
Stay tuned. Or ‘subscribe’ or ‘follow’ me twitter style (if for no other reason that I won’t feel like folks are navigating over here only to be disappointed). I can’t promise daily (or frankly weekly) posts but at least a neat picture sporadically.
Next up…. Polly’s Rendition of the behind-the-scenes science involved in insulin resistance. Poor insulin… It’s just too sensitive.
A Different Polly?
March 18, 2012 § 3 Comments
Friday, I went to see my super Doc about those aforementioned blood tests results.
Polly: So what’s up with the recent weight gain, skin problems, night sweats, low blood pressure, high insulin and high blood glucose to name a few?
Lovely Super Doc: Well. Poppet, I think it’s time. Given everything we have learned over the last few years, I am willing to put down on paper that you have….… Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS).
pollysmysticovarysyndrome
Really? It’s a syndrome, a collection of symptoms that form a diagnosis (absent other things). Sounds vague? For some PCOS-learning-about homework I enjoyed both the US Govs description and the old standby Wikipedia (if it’s bold, you can click).
So, Polly, how do feel about this diagnosis? Surprised?
Not so much. I feel a bit like I have been a ‘PCOS diagnosis in waiting’ for a few years. It explains weight gain; insulin resistance; amenorrhea; etc.. It was mooted about five years ago and so I had an ultrasound to look for any obvious cysts (not that cysts are dis-positive). The specialist only had a clear view of one of the ovaries and since it appeared fine; she said no cysts, no PCOS.
Daunted?
A tiny bit but I have been hoping for a diagnosis. I had a feeling that once I got one and it’s friend, the post-diagnosis ‘plan,’ I would feel a little energized and hopeful. At this point the word ‘cure’ isn’t an option but ‘managing’ certainly is. I have been managing the symptoms without the diagnosis as best I could for years; I reckon I just have better, more focused info now. A game-challenge for me, if you will. And we all know I like a good challenge (if you don’t, check out my “let’s go to Law School idea“…).
So what’s “The Plan”?
THREE months without my estrogen medication; eat no-lonely-carbs diet (protein and carbs; protein and carbs; protein and carbs and healthy fats); no supplements (gotta rule out whether they are having a weird effect on my hormones); keep my normal exercise routine; and see what happens by June…
Oh. The weight gain. Wow. Since I don’t have a set of scales at home; the Doctor-visit weigh-in was something. I’m impressed with myself – a FIFTEEN pound weight gain in just TWO months. For a peanut-sized person (under the 5′ mark) I reckon that’s something. Do I get a prize?
Actually yes, an opportunity to write a mini-note to my younger, unknowing, self (ten years back-ish):
- Polly, be your own health advocate: I rue to this day the fact that I didn’t stand up for myself during that ultrasound; ask to go to the loo so my bladder would stop obscuring the other ovary; and allow the specialist to properly check if for cysts. Lesson learned: self-advocate when your instincts are screaming at you to stand up for yourself. Like I (try hard) to do now.
- Your 90% vegan, veggie, oatmeal, oatbran focused diet is great, Polly but add in some healthy fats. A few tablespoons of almond butter perhaps, or a few walnuts or some fish oil. Every day. Exercise a bit (get the heart-rate up) keep moving but only when your body is feeling OK. Injured? Take a break. Tired? Take a nap. Listen to your bodies cues; it’s pretty smart. AND… take a REST DAY once in while… It’s OK. You won’t get fat overnight.
- Weight gain is not about what other people might think – that does not matter one ounce (pun sort of intended) – it’s about your body and your health. Thanks to this unexplained weight gain – Polly is on the happy receiving end of a PCOS diagnosis. Be healthy, P. Make healthy choices for yourself on your terms (that clothes-are-tight monitoring technique is a pretty good method).
- Curb the evening snacking. Try to get into the habit of giving it three hours post inhaling a food stuff before bed. Again, thanks to this recent upswing in nasty side-effects, my night-eating-carb addiction is in recovery (well, it’s been a few weeks because Polly’s hormones made her suffer from the not-fun side effect of night sweats). Hurrah for night sweats? No. But I am chuffed to have a visceral motivation to put that spoon down if I want a decent night’s sleep.
- It’s OK to plan and its OK to be chuffed with yourself for any mini-achievement you might stumble upon. Right now, I am patting myself on the head for finally getting a clue about my body and being realistic (and fascinated) by it and not depressed and teary-eyed about having to squeeze into those work clothes …
- Relating to #5 – it’s OK to have “a moment” of forgetting you have a clue and getting teary-eyed but remember: just do what you can in all things and take care of yourself.
- Write down how you feel (especially on a good-feeling day) and be sure to re-read it sometimes. It helps. A blog is a good idea…
Am I different today than yesterday with all this info? Maybe. I feel hopeful. Today, at least. That’s neat and it’s my plan to feel hopeful tomorrow and the next day….
End note. I admit there is some fear. Over the last six months, I have come to the realization that Polly’s mental health is inextricably linked to the balancing effect of taking estrogen-from-medication. This fear is tempered by knowing I can always go back to it because I have the OPTION. I like to have OPTIONS over my own medical needs and my own body. In my case, it just so happens that these medicinal needs have a dual function: they provide health-supporting hormones (and probably help me avoid ovarian cancer, weak bones to name a few) and they are also a form of CONTRACEPTION….
Uh-oh….. Polly said the ‘C’ word…..
Is it the chips or can I blame that ‘H’ word…
March 1, 2012 § Leave a Comment
‘H’ as in ‘Hormones’
During my tenure as a 1L first semester-er – it went through some estrogen-withdrawal (a.k.a depression). I prefer to not be on western drugs; turns out Polly-without-estrogen-intervention is akin to Polly-with-barely-an-ounce-of-mental-health-balance. So I came back to the WesternDrugFold. I’m taking low-dose estrogen. Have been since November. My experiences both with medicinal intervention and without has been a game of ‘manage the side effects’ – at this point – I’ll take the mildest form of them anyday over the alternatives (e.g. headaches, hot flashes, grumpiness, mental strangeness, etc. versus pretty-severe depression, incapacitating migraines, bone loss, infertility, etc.).
All of that said. I am barely managing to ‘squeeze’ in to my work clothes. Question is, why? I’m still exercising up a storm and eating my low-to-no sugar, healthy fats, lean protein, small-meals-all-the-time diet (diet = what I always do not what I do for a spell and then stop).
I Googled the drug I am on to see what other folks experienced. Turns out odd weight gain is a constant complaint. I then emailed my Dr. (yes! turns out we folks get to use the new technology they call ‘email’ to connect with our Docs and mine is a super-Doc so she responded immediately). She doesn’t think it’s the drugs. Gave good scientific-sounding reasons (I’ve tolerated higher doses of estrogen without weight gain in the past, etc.). I’m going in for some blood tests.
In the meantime, I am left to wonder if maybe I am eating a chunk more than normal (over a few months even small changes can make a difference). I do have a penchant for Trader Joe’s organic tortilla chips…..
plumpscoop
To be continued…. for one thing, I have a Michelle Dozois review coming up ‘poppet I LOVE your style with all that jumping, kickboxing, interval training, DVD-at-home magic).
(oh. And my apologies if you saw a blog post title along the lines of ‘the lawschool hormone dynamic’ – that was weird. Not sure what happened. If it whet your appetites for the blog post that would have followed the title, be sure to tell me otherwise it will forget).
It’s been Two Months and Twelve Days…
January 22, 2012 § Leave a Comment
….since I have gotten my *&%$ss in gear to scribe taken the time to carefully draft and publish a shescoops post. I shall apologize but only because I am sorry if you have been concerned (or worn your carpet down pacing up and down waiting). We are hanging in there. I do have a new perspective on things. Feel calmer. Enjoying things. Not getting bogged down in poopy things.
Quick housekeeping before I get going again: I am back to including shescoops in my life, not everyday, maybe not every week, but as often as is Polly-ingly-possible. Expect (future) posts to be briefer (law school rubbing off on you, eh?). Not quite. It’s more of wanting to focus on new nugget-sized observations, not just ‘what has Polly self-absorbingly been up to’ stuff. I also have a time problem. Work. Play. School. Food. Exercise. Sleep. Keeps us busy, no? But I enjoy this. I like doing things that are fun. I like musing on things. I usually have something to say (even if it is only to one of my cuddly toys) and I love my husband’s pictures.
Oh, and let me reiterate before you roll your eyes at having to SCROLL DOWN; this will likely be as long a blog post as you are gonna get for the foreseeable future and is entirely for catch-the-shescoopers-up purposes (there are FOUR husband pictures in it for you).
So. These last two months and twelve days….
2011 in a nutshell….
dudee2011
I’m kinda, sorta grateful it’s behind us and we can stick that mark in the sand. It’s been quite a time on a myriad fronts. For so many people I know, love and think about. I turned to my husband recently and said, “I think 2012 might be rather exciting” to which he replied “is that because 2011 was so s&*^%$#t?”
Partly. Can’t lie. But I am an optimist. Call my (a) PollyAnna (but why wouldn’t we call you that? it is your name, hon).
MountFatigue
She scooped it through Semester #1 of Law School (there were a few tears-before-bedtime and she does question her sanity and reasons for attending constantly but she made it. Me and almost all my class-chums). Woo.
capn polly
Spent a lovely couple ‘o’ weeks in England with the family. The time was marked almost in its entirety (when we weren’t eating and giggling at each others silliness) by the stunning, amusing, philosophical, conversation-inspiring, well-acted and thoroughly entertaining Battlestar Gallactica. Box set o-rama (or should it be A-dama…). Didn’t think I would like it. But I did. It ain’t anything like the original series and I have a new swear word.
dudabix
Finally, health-wise, the end of 2011 was a bit of a doozy for both husband and I (and some other lovely people I know, alas). Suffice to say we are sticking on the healthy track and we both have a new (in his case) re- (in my case) found love of those athletic-track shaped cereal biscuits they brandingly call ‘Weetabix.’ It’s one of the most popular breakfast (or anytime, frankly) cereals in England. Pretty much every grocery chain has their own version (I have a penchant for the Co-Op variety and like to destroy their unique shape by using a hot water-soy milk blend that turns it into a claggy mess – just like my Dad does). You can buy them in the US from Trader Joes. We have one down the road. Handy.
Say, if you are a current ‘Wheat Biscuit’ eater, my question of the blog post is for you: because I like a decent sized bowl-full, I genuinely get excited about the last biscuit in the packet because it comes resplendent with extra wheety-dust and fragments of the biscuits that went before it; am I crazy or is this the Wheat-Biscuit-Eater norm?
It’s about Perspective, Polly…
September 20, 2011 § 3 Comments
Well, I feel like I have had a giant ‘Life Lesson’ smashed into my big head these last few weeks. Struggling to admit it’s taken me thirty-three years to get it, too.
I was getting overwhelmed. Simultaneously, I had got annoyed with my tendency toward self-absorption. It involved a mini-identity crisis prompted by the addition of ‘Law Student’ to the myriad other identities I find myself with: Polly, Anna, Polly M., Pol, Budget Analyst, writer, collector of cute-smiley (and preferably squashy) cuddly toys…. No doubt this frustration with the ‘me me me’ partly explains my lack of blog-post updates (it is a self-focused blog, Polly, self-absorption is par for the course). Regardless, I realized that until now, I have had too much time in my own head. That leads to problems.
Since Law School, however, I have had to pick and choose my thought-streams. I just have no time, no time to obsess. That has to be for the best, me thinks.
Consider context, Polly. Indeed.
Globally-speaking, since I last wrote, we have seen hurricanes and earthquakes; the anniversary of nine-eleven; ongoing global financial drama; wars; and so much more. On the home front: health concerns (family/friends); six weeks of Law School (I love it, in case you were wondering); a Polly birthday (yippee!); a lot of oatmeal-eating; and plenty of the normal-yet-lovely day-to-day stuff.
With all these elements floating around; I undertook a big shift in my daily machinations. I don’t have time to consider everything at once. Stuff goes on out there in the world (beautiful and ugly); stuff goes on closer to home too. The world turns, as they say. So, on a small level, I have figured out some stuff (principally: be silly as much of the time as possible); and on a bigger level, I shall remember my placement on the planet in context (e.g. one human, among billions more, existing in our natural world with all the other bugs, creatures, plants, weather patterns, planets, etc..).
It’s about perspective, Polly.
Right oh: Planet, Family, Friends, Cuddly Toys, (not necessarily in that order). Got it. That’s neat….. I’m focusing….
shefocuses
